He was an ordinary looking guy, but he had led a troubled life. People often used the term, Loser, whenever they referred to him. But now, he seemed somehow reborn, a new man. He had obviously had an epiphany, and he was a changed man. People speculated on the how’s and why’s of his amazing transformation. Surely this man, known as the Loser, must have discovered something extraordinary to bring about such a complete change. The question on everyone’s mind was—what was it, what had he discovered?

The Loser was now employed as a counselor at a correctional institution, and he was excited to share his revelations with others who had led similar lives. He led three daily group therapy sessions, each with ten to fifteen inmates. He was developing a reputation with the inmates as someone who figures out the answers to questions that we’re all struggling with. This Loser had become the hope of the inmates for breaking the cycle of self-destruction they’d all been caught within.

He had a speaking engagement at a seminar where he was asked to share his insights with counselors from other correctional institutions. They hoped to understand the methods he used for his revolutionary approach with the inmates, and their success. Here is what he shared with them.

“How many of you here today can say you’ve climbed a mountain? And of those, how many could say they reached the summit of Mt. Everest? Now, imagine the people out there whose personal lives have become their own mountain to scale, with no tools or know-how to climb that mountain. Unfortunately, this is the task the inmates are required to accomplish. The struggles of these inmates started out like those of most people in the general public, the difference is, the inmates are at the far end of the spectrum. However, the work for everyone, inmates, and the general public, is the same. That’s what I want to talk to you about today.

I want you to imagine being imprisoned behind those bars in that small cell, witness the limitations, experience the confinement, and feel the restrictions. This is no different for the millions of people who suffer the “emotional imprisonment” of their existence. It’s a self-made prison with transparent bars, and your only awareness of it is your own immense sorrow, and you suffer the bewilderment of its unknown origin.

People have pursued many avenues in their effort to avoid and deny their circumstances. There is a long list of ways for us to run from ourselves. A partial list may include: alcohol and drugs, eating, sex, pleasing, perfectionism, gambling, anger, workaholism, and religion, just to name a few. These in turn lead to individual boundary violations, and in many, to acting out. It is at the stage of acting out that we recruit many of our new inmates.

Let’s look at the structure and mechanics of how this operates on an individual basis. Take Tommy for instance. He grew up in a home with an alcoholic father and an enabling mother. Tommy comes from a large family, he has eight brothers and sisters, and because of their individual personalities, they all chose a different way to react to all the physical, sexual, emotional, and psychological abuse inflicted by their father. They may not realize it yet, but they also suffered the abuse of their mother’s denial, and inaction which put the children at risk, only because she felt helpless, and overwhelmed.

Tommy chose alcohol as his ticket to run—to run from the insanity and pain of home and family. By run, I’m referring to emotional escape as a remedy for the pain. By numbing himself with alcohol, Tommy escaped emotionally from himself and his surroundings. More and more, a deep seeded sense of anger grew out of the unresolved issues and feelings he experienced.

Tommy didn’t realize the damage that had been done by his father’s blaming and shaming, creating this personal purification within himself. It was the shame he now felt about himself. The pain adopted its own agendas, which led to Tommy’s acting out. Along with this, came a distinct pattern of perceptions, like victimization, and always feeling at fault, or being in the wrong. He was now crippled by his shame and also, the fear of being shamed by others.

He lived in a vicious circle in which the alcohol covered the anger, the anger pushed away the fear and shame. The entire time, however, the pain was still there. It never left. Then add to all of this, the frustration of not understanding what was happening to himself, as well as others not understanding him either. Soon, he was overwhelmed by his personal shame which was, in part, tied to a sense of unworthiness.

This spiraling out of control worsened as he was over-run by his mistrust of others, as well as feeling powerless to control or influence his life. Unfortunately, buried at the bottom of his mountain was the absence of any worth, any self-worth. It was this lack of self-worth that was the instigator of all the other problems. If Tommy was ever to get better, he would have to solve this root problem, then, and only then, would he begin to heal himself, and take leave of his destructive behavior.

Like Tommy, people’s real problems and issues end up buried, and in the mean-time, they spend their lives chasing ghosts. Sending Tommy to anger management classes would not resolve his anger issues because they were based on negative self-worth covered by anger as a disguise. This is how and why people’s lives are so out of control, so miserable, and so filled with pain.”

After the seminar, people’s view and opinion of the Loser changed in an instant. This Loser was really a wise man in Loser’s clothing. Everyone in the audience knew this wise man knew what he was talking about, because in his attempt to enlighten them to the plight of the inmates, he also touched the personal demons of everyone in the audience.

Go conquer a mountain today; it’s a good day for climbing.

V.P. Mosser

©2001-2008 V.P. Mosser
You're welcome to use this article in your Ezine or website as long as you include this blurb.
Successful entrepreneur, V.P. Mosser is the creator of the Learn the Lessons Series, the Life's Journey publication and numerous thought-provoking articles. To learn more and receive free chapters or issues, visit http://www.learnthelessons.com
 

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