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A wise man was invited for an interview with a journalist, who was writing an article for a popular women’s magazine. They were to discuss the issue of why men and women in relationships seem so stressed to be with each other, even after being together for a considerable period of time. The journalist asked the wise man, “Where should we begin. Sir?” The wise man replied, “At the heart of the matter, which lies with the problems of avoidance and deception." (J) Why do you say that? (WM) Because it is one thing not to know why—but quite another not to want know why, which is why the difficulty continues day after day. (J) Avoidance? (WM) Yes. What one resists, persists. Ignoring the problem, closing yourself off from reality only invites it to show up in even more destructive ways, such as depression, agitation, or overall discontent. Each person is content to be a deceiver with oneself and their partner. They violate the most sacred obligation between them—honesty. (J) How does this problem continue over long periods of time without resolution? (WM) Both parties participate in the practice of rationalization, fooling and excusing one another, as well as justifying their behaviors to one another. They continue through the years to recruit other defenders, such as denial, being argumentative, and just plain lying. (J) So how do they rectify their predicament? (WM) The antidote to this behavior of avoidance and deception lies in awareness and responsibility, along with a heavy dose of honesty. Things happen in life, but clinging to the psychic debris can do even more damage than the actual events. One must learn the lessons, and discard the experience. Then, one is in a position to commit, and communicate their way through this difficult time. (J) You seem to have summed it all up very simply. (WM) Clarification need not be drawn out or difficult. One can drive out of this problem the same way they drove into it—by driving straight through it. (J) Thank you Sir, for your time. V.P. Mosser
©2001-2009 V.P. Mosser |