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A wise old lady was
asked to share her insights on the
problem that is inherent with intimate
relationships. The wise-m’am was
reluctant to do so, but after some
prodding she relented by saying, “Only
if we can talk openly, where no one is
an expert, so we may be able to see the
problem unfold before us.”
The Wise-m’am was asked, “Where should
we begin?”
She proceeded by saying, “We might be
better served to begin at the point
after the initial attraction between two
people, when dating begins the process
of romantic, passionate attachment, when
the heat of intimate relationship
begins. Romance is the match that lights
the fire between individuals, but it
requires something else to sustain the
burn. Is it not important for us to
discover what those ingredients are that
combine to sustain the relationship
burn?”
Someone spoke up and put the question to
the Wise m’am regarding, shouldn’t we
ask what we mean by intimate
relationship? Wise-m’am agreed that was
a reasonable place to begin.
Wise-m’am went on to suggest,
“Relationship seems to imply a
connection of, or between, two
individuals which serves to bind the
participants—is that not the state of
affairs as we’ve come to know it today?
It is the process of becoming
interrelated into a single unit that is
known to us as an intimate relationship.
Intimate relationship often has a sexual
component attached to it—but not
always.”
The question was put to Wise-m’am “What
do you think is the biggest determining
factor to a successful intimate
relationship?”
Wise-m’am smiled and said, “Depends on
who you ask, but most women would
probably say love, many men might say
sex—not necessarily good sex—just sex.”
The audience chuckled to hear those
words coming from such a wise and serous
woman.
Wise-m’am continued, “Let us assume—and
rightly so—that love is the bedrock for
any meaningful intimate relationship.
That being said, the one variable after
love with the greatest impact to an
intimate relationship would have to be
the level of compatibility between the
respective participants. This relates to
traits like a harmonious fit, as well as
the level of flexibility, and
adaptability of the participants. We
should say that there are two critical
components to compatibility, and those
are the needs, and wants of the
participants, and how well they serve
their personal interests as well as the
interest of the relationship.”
“So let us clarify what we mean by need
and want. A need can be said to require
something essential or indispensable, or
require or feel the necessity for
something specific. Another way to put
it would be to characterize a need as a
demand made on the relationships and the
participants, such as the need to be
honest with one another or to be
monogamous.”
“Let us now clarify what is meant by
want. Couldn’t we say that want is
rooted in desire or craving? It is the
inclination toward something or to have
a fondness for something. For example; I
want us to spend Sundays together as a
family unit, or it could be as simple as
I want some ice cream. In the end it
comes down to how well the relationship
meets the needs and wants of the
participants, does it not? It is a
matter of blending the needs and wants
of the individual participants into a
combination that is unique to the
intimate relationship. So, it appears
that what has been revealed to us is
that the inherent problem in intimate
relationship comes down to the
compatibility of the participants. This
demonstrates the significance of
compatibility, and the quality of the
relationship. Do we agree?”
V.P. Mosser
©2001-2008 V.P. Mosser
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Successful entrepreneur, V.P. Mosser is
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